In case you missed it, P.K. Subban suffered a horrifying neck injury during the Montreal Canadiens’ 3-2 win over the Buffalo Sabres at Bell Centre on Thursday night. Fortunately, it sounds as though it isn’t serious and he’s going to be alright, though he was kept out of Saturday’s game against the Minnesota Wild (which, unsurprisingly, the Habs lost without their best skater).
Still, when I was watching Subban lying on the ice, the training staff immobilizing his head and neck as they loaded him onto a stretcher, it made me wonder: How could this nightmare of a season possibly have gone any worse for the Habs? Well, I came up with a few ways*.
While searching for honey in the woods, Max Pacioretty took some that belonged to a bear, which responded by eating him in a fit of rage
This would have been awful! And Bruins fans would never let us hear the end of it.
While standing under a tree to hide from the rain because he forgot his umbrella at home, Lars Eller got struck by lightning
Lightning strikes can be fatal! And Lightning fans would never let us hear the end of it.
While surfing on the Habs’ California trip, Alex Galchenyuk got his hands bitten off by a shark
For a skilled player like Galchenyuk, he’d be in big trouble without his nifty mittens. And Sharks fans would never let us hear the end of it.
While feeding pigeons in a park, as old people are wont to do, a duck in a nearby pond became enraged that Andrei Markov wasn’t giving any to him
He summoned his duck gang to beat up Markov and steal the rest of his bread. And Ducks fans would never let us hear the end of it.
After making a pizza, Torrey Mitchell forgot to turn his stove off, and his entire building burned down
Mitchell would be arrested for arson! And Flames fans would never let us hear the end of it.
While following a treasure map he got from a suspicious lady at a black market, Tomas Plekanec accidentally dug up an ancient Indian burial ground
Plekanec would be cursed to be bad at hockey for the rest of his life. And Blackhawks fans would never let us hear the end of it.
While practising his fencing, Nathan Beaulieu forgot to wear his mask
Beaulieu would get his eye poked out! And Sabres fans would never let us hear the end of it.
While raking his backyard, Jeff Petry stepped on an errant rake, causing the other end to come up and smash him in the face
Petry would suffer a severe concussion, putting his career in doubt. And Leafs fans would never let us hear the end of it.
After finding a fossil in Mt. Moon like sooooooo early on, Brian Flynn finally got to go revive it at the lab on Cinnabar Island after getting Surf
But for some reason, instead of getting a Kabuto or an Omanyte, they actually revived a sabretooth tiger, which mauled him. And Predators fans would never let us hear the end of it.
Making what turned out to be a disastrous decision to walk to practice, a horde of a million fire ants showed up to carry Brendan Gallagher away, never to be seen again
One of the few creatures with an even better feistiness-to-size ratio than Gallagher, even Gally would stand no chance against a million fire ants. Fortunately, though, there isn’t a team called the Fire Ants.
Well there you have it folks. So cheer up, Habs fans, because things COULD be worse!
*Please note that I take zero responsibility if any of these things actually end up happening